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Sometimes people come into our lives just for a short period of time, but still leave us with such deep scars. So deep that even though part of us do wish to have that person remain around, there’s no way we can, not without keeping the memories that will hurt us. It takes a lot of courage to let someone completely go, and to move on in our own path. But when we do, it’s actually freeing ourselves from the shadow that has been imprisoning our souls too…

The day I understood everything, was the day I stopped trying to figure everything out. The day I knew peace was the day I let everything go

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how can he love me then not? He went,he ran. And I cannot bring him back. Yet I left the door metaphorically wide open, hoping he’d come back and bang on it proclaiming, “I want to be here with you. Always.” Soon I’m going to have to shutit. For my safety and my sanity. Let go. I don’t want to. Won’t letting go be just that – letting go? Giving up? Admitting failure? Admitting that it is really, truly over?

大约在东京

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也不是现在才懂，其实一早就有所领悟。

原来单单只有爱情，真的不够。其实从很小的时候，就已经明白这一点。可是可能是女生的关系，总是希望可以相信“只要有爱情，就可以战胜一切”。是矛盾，还是看太多电影，我也不清楚。

可惜现实生活中有太多需要顾虑。只有爱情的话，恐怕无法维持。谁不想什么都不管，不顾一切的，轰轰烈烈的去爱。但又有多少人真的能办到？

想到当年的快乐，其实很简单。我当初觉得，只要可以睡在你生旁，感受到你的体温和心跳，就足够让我放弃全世界。我一直以为是你的关系，但现在才明白，原来最开心的，是因为当年可以不用思前想后，想做什么就做。五年的差距，让我无法以同样的心态去生活。也想过要很猖狂的去放纵自己，但潜意识还是会想办法去控制自己。告诉自己什么是人生的正馗，不让自己走出这个道路。

可能是年少轻狂，也可能是成长的代价。

还是，我爱的不够。

:(

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there are times I wished I had more control over my time and life.. it sucks balls not knowing where will I be in the following month, made it so hard to plan simple stuff like attending friends’ weddings/birthdays. so hard to even want to start picking up a new language because i am not sure whether i will be in the attend classes. when everybody is out and enjoying their weekends i will be working, than i get weekdays off when no one is free, and i will end up being alone at home, doing nothing. this is crap. i want my weekends, i want my public holidays and i want a normal life.

i am extremely frustrated and the itch is not helping at all.